Endlessly
by the-lesbionic-woman
Summary: After Karma shows up to Amy's upset about something that happened with Liam, Amy tries to comfort her and ignore her own feelings at the same time. It's hard when Karma's all she calls home. (One-shot.)


**Disclaimer: **I own nothing except an empty hamster cage and a few other sundry, nearly unusable items. I hope you guys enjoy this little one-shot!

_Endlessly_

"Hello?" I answered nervously, feeling my palms already start to tingle.

I already knew who it was. I didn't know why I was pretending I didn't because I could hear her small intake of breath and the apology ready to tumble off of her tongue. I bit my lip. There was so much going on between us, so much going on with me, that it was so hard to keep track of all the little things. I knew why she had called though. I could feel the trembling of her body from the safety of my bedroom.

"Amy?" she said in a small voice. "I had sex with Liam Booker."

The feeling that crashed over me left me unable to speak. My heart twisted and knotted. She sat silent on the other end, and it stretched out forever. I wanted to say something, anything, but I couldn't bring myself to say any of the things I was sure she wanted to hear.

"Can I come over?"

"O-of course, Karma, you know that," I whispered and jumped up to put on something semi-presentable. "I'll see you in a few, okay?"

I could practically feel her nodded so we said our goodbyes and hung up. My thoughts raced and swirled like a tumultuous sea. I fluffed up the pillows on my bed and had the bear she loved to cuddle with when she was sad ready for her on her side of the bed.

I meant… The side of the bed she usually used. Not _her_ side of the bed no matter how many stars I wished on in the Austin sky. While I was waiting for her, the only thing I could think was _'Now I'm left behind.' _ It was supposed to be this huge, incredible, romantic moment for each of us. Lately, I've kind of been, embarrassingly so, hoping it'd have been together. Karma was on the fast track to her perfect life, the one she dreamed of when we were in junior high. She'd had it all mapped out before the summer before ninth grade even began.

It was all coming together so perfectly for her.

Then why did she sound so broken?

A soft knock on my door echoed through my silent room. Karma never knocked. I jumped up immediately to open the door, revealing my completely downtrodden best friend. Her hair was wet, clinging to her face and neck. Her eyes were overcast, but she never looked directly at me. This wasn't her. I'd never seen this version of Karma, and we'd been best friends since kindergarten.

"Karma?" I tilted her face up toward me with shaky fingers.

"I… I don't know what happened," she finally said, looking at me. "It wasn't anything like I thought it would be."

I took her hand gently and led her toward the bed. She sat gingerly down, avoiding my eyes once more. I sighed. After another moment, I managed to gather enough courage to take her hand in mine again.

"What's wrong?" I asked gently.

"It wasn't perfect or romantic or anything remotely similar," she finally admitted. "I didn't feel fireworks or explosions. There was no _aha!_ moment. After, I just felt… kind of hollow."

"I-"

"I think I made a mistake," she continued. "I don't think having sex with Liam was the right choice. Maybe I just wasn't ready. Maybe I pushed myself to do it just because I could have him. I never should have gone over there!"

She was getting frantic now so I did the only thing I could think of at the moment- I surged forward and wrapped her in a tight hug, bringing her to lay on her side. I tucked her head under my chin and traced soft patterns on her back. She exhaled shakily against my collarbone, putting an arm over my waist to bring me just a little bit closer to her.

This was close to crossing a line we'd never crossed before. Sure, we cuddled. We did that a lot, but somehow this felt infinitely more intimate than any other time before. After a moment's hesitation, I pressed my lips gently to her wet hair. The citrus scent of her shampoo and body wash overwhelmed for a moment, and I closed my eyes.

"Why is your hair wet?"

"I took a shower right after," admitted Karma, shifting a little in my embrace. "I wanted to feel less… weird."

"Okay," I said softly.

My fingers moved to brush up and down her arm lightly. She shivered slightly, and I could feel chillbumps start creeping down her skin.

"Are you cold?"

"No," she said quietly.

My heart stopped beating. I didn't know what to do so I just nodded slightly and pressed my cheek to the top of her head. We stayed in silence for what seemed like hours. I hoped I was giving her at least _some_ comfort. I didn't know what else to do.

How do you help someone feel less empty?

"Maybe my expectations were too high," she says after a while.

"Do you really think that?"

She shook her head, pressing her forehead just under my jaw so every exhalation of breath I felt brush against my neck. I bit my lip. I had to get myself under control or this would be even more tortuous. It was proving difficult as Karma moved her hand to stroke her thumb over my side, just above my hip. My breath hitched, and I was thankful that Karma couldn't see the blush coating my cheeks in a dead giveaway of what I was feeling at that particular moment. With every stroke, my heart fluttered further away from me.

"I don't think he's right for me," she sighed. "Liam is… We're just two completely different people on two different planes of existence."

"You'll find someone who gives you all the things you're looking for, I'm sure," I quietly said. "You're too amazing to not."

I started to hum "Endlessly" by Green River Ordinance, one of her favorite songs, and I pretended it meant nothing more than just a good song. I felt the small smile against my neck as she squeezed my hip. My jaw clenched as my eyes fluttered. I wished she wouldn't do that.

I actually started to pray to God that I could gain control over the situation even though I knew I'd already lost it the moment she walked into the door.

"You know I love you," Karma said suddenly.

My hands grew still, and the lump in my throat threatened to expose every secret I was trying to hide from her. The guilt was making my heart ache. I wanted nothing more than to confess everything in that moment, but I only nodded. She pulled back to look at me.

"I know," I smiled back at her, "I love you too."

"Do you?" she asked seriously.

I bit my lip and looked somewhere over her head. My jaw clenched. How did I get so far gone here? Her hand moved to over my chest, over my thudding heart.

This was it. She'd know. She'd know everything, and it would all change in this moment. I was more terrified than I'd ever been, even that time we'd fallen out of a canoe at camp before I'd learned how to swim. Karma saved me. Would she save me this time?

"Amy?"

"Endlessly," I said back and squeezed my eyes shut, willing the burn at the corners of my eyes to go away. The last thing I wanted to do was cry when she had come to me so upset.

She pulled away from me; in that moment, I swear my heart broke. A tear trailed down my cheek. I was so embarrassed and scared, but she caught the tear with her fingertip, smiling up at me.

"Karma?" my voice was so small. I hated it.

"Amy," she laughed softly before brushing her lips across mine.

This time, there was no audience. There was no snap of a camera. It was just us, for no one else, and I surrendered to something I'd dreamed about but never imagined it would actually happen. For once, this kiss felt _real_.

She pulled back, raising an eyebrow at me. Was she as nervous as I was?

"Was that okay? We don't… we can stop."

My dream flashed back into my mind. I smiled, big and genuinely. My answer was always the same. It would always be the same thing.

"No," I whispered, shaking my head.

She leaned back in, and I felt freer than I had since we started this entire fiasco that had turned into something beautiful. She was everything to me. I hoped she knew that. I hoped she felt the same. With every kiss, she pushed my doubts further to the back of my mind. Whatever happened next could wait a little while. She eased everything else, and I could only be fully in the moment, in the softness, lost in everything that was Karma.

I loved her. She was my best friend, my fake girlfriend, maybe my real one? I didn't know anything, but I did know Karma was everything to me. She was my biggest supporter, best source of comfort, and right now, her lips were all that mattered. Everything about her surrounded me in a haze.

If I had her, I had everything. Her hands fell to my hips as she deepened the kiss.

It felt right, felt like everything was coming together. All the little pieces were fitting together as my mind trailed further from coherent thought. My mom and everyone else were nearly inconsequential right then.

Her tongue traced my bottom lip, and my heart did an entire gymnastics routine.

She was all that I called home.


End file.
